Hedge your own worth

It’s hard for a self disrespecting person to start respecting themselves. If you think about it completely strategically, it doesn’t make that much sense to put a whole lot of value on your own worth if there isn’t proof – historical and projected- that you’re actually valuable.

I’m going to use a very one-dimensional example to illustrate- say no one has ever fallen head over heels in love with you before – infatuation/love being one of the largest measures of human worth that I can think of – , so how can you confidently assign worth to yourself and be like “Yo I’m awesome and lovable.”?

It may be a huge leap of faith for someone to start believing that they are attractive, smart, charming, etc. This explains why, when people don’t want to take that treacherous leap of faith, they seek out temporary proof from external sources. Obvious examples of that are one night stands, I guess.

Stripping the self-respect process down to its true form is super helpful, though. For me, this hypothesis indicates that in order to reach point X: self respect, person has to take step 1. large leap of faith. All other pathways are fake ^_^

 

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forgot that we’re in a bubble

When getting consumed in the world of “I want to succeed/ build something valuable/ disrupt shit/ make lots of money” it’s so so so easy to forget things like

1. racial and gender inequality- once you start thinking of people in terms of their competency, their “hustle”, their ability to think creatively, a few important considerations get lost in the ruckus. Like..income. How color of skin affects…EVERYTHING. How sex and gender impact people’s motivations and focus…and these problems/states of the world become IRRELEVANT. None of your beeswax. Someone else’s problem. Outside the bubble. 

2. there are so many painful horrible things that happen in other countries and at this rate, YOU/ME will have absolutely no impact on how they play out. The most we can do is scan a few buzzfeed articles and photo albums of “bad things happening” and feel guilty for 10 minutes. Our career decisions (“Mom, goldman or this startup??”), promotions, Facebook statuses…mean nothing! I don’t mean to go all “save the babies in Africa” here, but what right do we have to be so self-centered when people. Young people. Old wrinkly people. Unborn people. are CONSUMED with base level problems like starvation. Institutionalized rape. Child marriages. UGH.

3. We’re going to grow up to be snotty Republicans. I can just feel it.

Night time/morning meanderings that have no resolution 😦

 

 

 

 

Lesson of the day #3:

Shout out to my one and only reader Geoff! Keep on killing it. (Maybe even ~comment~ once in a while….)

You don’t actually have to ask “is someone sitting across from you?” when you want to sit in an empty space at a relatively empty table. Apparently no one in the library minds when you plop your ass down and do your thang without asking.

This is freedom! Don’t gotta use the girly-high pitched – slightly unsure- voice to ask unnecessary questions anymore 🙂

Lesson of the Day #2:

People really love helping college students and young people. Once you graduate…you become a suspicious little bugger who has shady intentions.

But until then, you’re wide-eyed, nervous, and constantly learning. Don’t waste this period of your life by NOT asking for things, people.

(I learned this through the responses to my Listserve email today.)

Lesson of the Day #1

10 Minute dance workouts on youtube are highly effective, and way more fun than treadmilling.

My girl Tiffany Rothe (search: “10 min dance workout”) knows what’s up, and she knows how to get a girl (or boy) sweaty. But like actually. She sweats so much in her videos it’s as if she’s about to go suntanning or back from a waterpark, she’s that shiny. 

If you’re like me–unbearably hot bod, wanna keep it that way, but live soooo far away from the gym–get on your laptop, clear a space in your room or in your living room, and get a dancin.

 

 

Playing catch with people

In acting class we do this exercise where the teacher makes us stand in a huge circle, shoulder width apart. She then hands a fist-sized plush ball to one of us and tell us to start throwing it across the circle.

the point of this exercise is to teach us the steps of communication. 

1. You have to measure the distance

2. You have to truly identify a person, see them, and have them see you

3. You have to wait for that validation before throwing it.

 

On the receiving end, you have to be open. Literally if you don’t keep your shoulders loose and a constantly searching eye, no one will throw the ball to you. Once you make eye contact with the person holding the ball, you stare at them longer, catch the ball, and connect with them once more, to acknowledge that youv’e caught the ball.

A few things that I observed during this exercise:

1. It’s stupidly hard to throw the ball the right distance if you don’t take the time to truly identify and confirm with your target that you are going to throw to them.

2. It sucks when people don’t pass you the ball. But once you reach this suckiness, you tend to open up, smile (even if it’s forced), and search for peoples’ eye contact. Then you get the ball.

3. It’s really hard to remember to “acknowledge that you’ve received their ball.” It’s a small act of gratitude . But the general tendency is to catch it, revel in the success of catching the ball perfectly, and then identify the next human target. That small step–that nod of the head and prolonged, slightly awkward eye contact is SO hard to remember or do. And so most of us in this exercise forget. 

I won’t insult your intelligence by explaining the metaphor between this ball exercise and communication in real life. 

I’ve found that after doing this exercise in acting class, in interactions with friends and strangers, I look at them more. I focus on them and I listen to them and let them know I’m listening. I also thank them for speaking and expressing their thoughts. I want them to feel appreciated for communicating.